Home > Uncategorized > The CREEPING BRAND SHADOW (Brandula Luxuriensis)

The CREEPING BRAND SHADOW (Brandula Luxuriensis)

Commonly known as the VIP (Very Important Parasite) this creature is the only insect that feeds exclusively on digested champagne-soaked caviar and it has the good sense, or at least good enough for an insect, to inhabit exclusively inside the stomachs of the extravagantly rich. It is also the only pest unknown in Third World countries although it has gradually spread from the Western World, its natural habitat, to oil-rich countries in the Middle East and from there to the emerging economies of the Far East. Now it is almost everywhere but Africa, where the brandulas either die of starvation or are fried and eaten by famine victims for who brandula soup is a renown delicacy.
Entire colonies of brandulas attach themselves inside the stomach of their rich host and wait for a dinner party to take place to feed. The species is originally from California and the first infestation was detected inside the intestinal tract of a wealthy Hollywood movie producer of the silent era who spread this plague on a promotional trip to Europe. This is indeed a gregarious species although it refuses to travel unless in First Class. The larvae which has the appearance of dandruff are common sight on the food and beverage service of private jets and at jet set parties, where they are usually mistaken for low calories sweetener and ingested.
Brandula’s infestation is harmless itself but leads to a condition called brandulence in which the host will manifest heavy flatulence caused by the activity of the colony. In spite of the many discomforts experienced by those carrying them in their stomach in certain circles these sophisticated creatures are considered a glamorous symbol of wealth. That is why the rich and famous won’t fart, they brand instead.
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