The Nine Plus One Items Of The Prophecy Of End Of Days
This scrolls describing the End of the World by an environmental holocaust of political incorrectness were found sticking out the anus of the mummified corpse of the Pope by a race of alien scavengers in a planet very similar to ours. The following is a transcription of those scrolls that contain the prophecy made by an unknown author who decided to remain anonymous to avoid being sued. Given the striking similarities between the planet described in the text and our home planet many readers might feel inclined to outrageous indignation or murderous retribution, or both. But let me assure dear reader that those similarities are purely incidental and that there is no chance that such a preposterous incident would ever happen here. This mere transcriber regrets the language and gross nature of the original text that unfortunately was lost eaten by a poor starving leper. In any case this reading is intended for people who doesn’t take things too seriously, if you still have any sensibility left you better go and fuck yourself before somebody takes advantage of it and fucks you. And remember that this is, after all, a text of religious nature and hence totally fictitious.
And it came to happen that I dreamt of dirty, stinky and undomesticated negro fist-fucking his daughter’s with a spiked iron fist. Then the terrorist negro became a jew watching TV. There was feature about negroes killing each other on the screen, but the streets were unpaved so it was probably Africa and nobody cared. He resumed the fucking of his mongoloid daughter with renewed energy, stimulating his sick mind with footage of the Nazi holocaust and Koranic satanic verses that promoted the slaughter of infidels for buying counterfeited goods. The dirty negro was not aroused any more by his too old nine years old daughter so he shot her in the face with an unregistered weapon and then ate her splattered brains while listening to a Marilyn Mason CD played backwards at top volume.
Then I wake up and the big negro was in my room holding a memorandum and I knew he was the messenger of God and the herald of our destruction because he said so in a deep resonant voice that made the walls collapse. He told me that the End Of Days had arrived and that he had been sent to destroy all life. He carried in his hands an itemized list of the nine and one procedures that would end history and he said the ruins my bedroom were as good as any other place to do his task.
He read the first item of the list of The End Of Days and there was great expectation to see what calamities would befall upon us. What happened was that an atheist transexual was elected president of United States in the first clean elections in American history. The president addressed the world in a ceremony of wrestling in which he appeared naked and sodomized a cross-dressing republican rabbi who smoked profusely during the show. Europeans molested the children of the neighboring continents but paid good tips and everybody became bald and fat. Stereotypes became true and everybody was evil and wicked and entire harvests were lost not to be found again.
Then the second item was read and driven by despair and for his human natural appetite for destruction somebody stole a nuclear weapon to commit justified acts of terror to be televised worldwide without parental rating. He rounded up some Asian war orphans of ethnic minorities and raped them with the Korean nuclear warhead in front of a giant screen showing a necrophilic lesbian show performed by Lady Diana and Mother Theresa’s corpses. The United Nations protested for the public exhibition of the images and the delegates contracted a repugnant infectious disease, their tongues fell on their soup and that killed them all. Some cartoons of prophet Mohammed carrying a cheap Chinese-made copy of a Louis Vuitton purse were broadcasted to increase the sense of general pandemonium.
Then the third item was read and the Vatican joined the onslaught by resucitating the body of Jesus that had been kept hidden inside a jar with the help of Templars and Nazi vampires. The putrid zombi Jesus covered in marmalade appeared live on TV wearing a human skin hat and began to masturbate. He declared that the party was over and from then on people should worship Kunt, the gorilla-god that lived on the moon and demanded of his worshipers to eat the feces of the members of the boards of directors of the International Monetary Fund and the World Bank, as if has been done until then.
Then the fourth item was read and triangles suddenly had two sides and two plus two became five and mathematicians ran on the streets naked throwing rotten coleslaw sandwiches to pregnant women. Kids starred on sadomasochistic pornographic cartoons produced by Disney and the drawings were made by African underpaid blind slaves using only their blood as pigment.
Then the fifth item was read and troops were called to restore order and everybody without a medical insurance was declared legitimate collateral damage and killed and his human rights violated in every conceivable manner. The warring armies became all sodomites and fornicated wildly in the battlefield and there was much bloodshed and defecation. Everybody sued everybody on fictitious charges of child abuse and compensations were paid with money stolen from the salaries of illegal immigrants working in syndicated unbearable conditions. There was widespread abuse of authority and rape of endangered species became he most popular sport among women.
Then the sixth item was read and mandatory abortion was established under the penalty of Biblical punishment by stoning for trespassers. Greenhouse gases production was swiftly promoted and rewarded with huge corporate handouts never accounted for and exclusively made of fake money. Internet was saturated by spam and stopped working and only child pornography and fandom Stark Trek pages were available on line but the speed was slow and noisy. Video games became more violent and gory and the Bible was eaten by a flying nun. Macs became PC’s and PC’s broken dishwashers.
Then the seventh item was read and the toilette of Auschwitz overflowed and Hitler resuscitated dressed as prophet Mohammed and sodomized a pig on an Israeli talk show for Hassid housewives. The peaceful and fun-loving muslim community retaliated by farting simultaneously at their hour of prayer causing pestilence and earthquakes at inconvenient times. Movie stars and expensive prostitutes ruled the world and astrology was revealed to be pure mambo-jambo. Dentists became blind and millions of teeth were missed.
Then the eighth item was read and the economic system collapsed and money became worthless and only small coins were available. All men became homosexuals and women lesbians. Homosexuals and lesbians became pedophiles and all pedophiles were ordained priests. Genocide replaced football as national sport in many countries and gang-raping an olympic discipline.
Then the ninth item was read and a really big radioactive and unclean meteorite made of shit was deviated by aliens and impacted on the Tibet just when it was about to be declared independent. The meteorite bounced back just to smash Burma and then fall in the Indic Ocean. The impact generated a tsunami that spread communism and AIDS over the entire population of the planet .
Then the tenth item was read and as a result half humanity became underpaid part-time cannibalistic tax inspectors that denied everybody’s returns and spit them in the face. Great calamities were endured by human race and no reparations were paid for this suffering. The swollen sun engulfed the planet and a low budget movie was made depicting the events in a totally inaccurate manner but the production was awarded six Oscars anyway and grossed thirty-million tons of panda meat in the box office.