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Mr Willson’s Candy

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Mr Willson didn’t seem a bad man. He was a little bit weird, I’ll give you that, but people around here were used to him. Heavily built and well past his sixties but still healthy and strong in spite of some overweight. He was the kind of lonely old man that said very little but when he did usually was to make a fool of himself. Not that he cared, every time he opened his mouth it was to tell a joke or some sort of story he assumed would make people laugh but the best he usually got was chuckles of recognition for the effort made. The fact that he was so predisposed to ridicule may be the reason kids liked him so much. He always would stop when children were around and try to make them laugh. So people growth used to see Mr Willson surrounded by joyous children, most frequently making fun of him. There was no neighborhood party he wouldn’t be seen spending the time with children and doing the trick that made him famous among them. He would be there pretending to be sick, crouching he would complain in a moaning voice how much pain he felt in his bowels and contorting his round face until it turned from white to red he would embark in a elaborate reenactment of the efforts that usually take place on the top a toilette seat. We never knew how he did it, but at the climax of this pantomime a sudden burst of candy would jettison from under his jacket bottoms accompanied by a the loud onomatopoeia of a fart. The kids loved it! They inevitably would burst into laughs and run around trying to pick up the candy balls scattered on the floor. The older kids would laugh showing yet once more how much appreciated humour related to bodily functions is at this age. Younger ones stared befooled by the funny man’s magic trick. Of course I saw myself some adults raising an eyebrow for the nasty nature of MrWillson’s show, but most of the parents were just to happy to have their kids amused for at least ten minutes instead of having them pestering them. In that aspect Mr Willson was not unlike a gaming console, but that was little consolation to them later on when the truth behind the performance was disclosed.

It was a great surprise to them to discover one day that Mr Willson’s innocent game hid a calculated strategy designed to serve much more dark goals than never anybody imagined. Apparently good Mr Willson liked to stroll around looking for the youngest of the kids that had witnessed his performance. Taken one of them apart to a secluded spot he would inform the little child that some candy might remain on the very same spot from where the rest came from and that he was the lucky kid that could carefully search for it and keep for himself as much as he could grab. It was found later on, that before leaving home to one of those parties Mr Willson would introduce one or two dozens of candy up his anus to make sure that any child he fooled into a colonoscopy would get some candy in return as reward for his search and hence no reason for complaint.

He was arrested after a mother caught him in a backyard with her six years old daughter looking for candy up her elbow. To this day it is not clear what shocked more our community: the shocking crime of child abuse or the disgusting fate of those children who ate the salvaged candy.

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