The Secret Life of the praire cheeky wanderer
Very few human activities are less rewarding and profoundly disgusting as the tracking down and study of those beautiful but elusive pests that are the prairie cheeky wanderers. Being one of the few vertebrates without an skeleton the prairie cheeky wanderer (Puliluplis Noncordata) has always puzzled zoologist with the question of whether they lost their bones or they pawned them for a good figure. Genetic testing offers a partial answer revealing that the prairie cheeky wanderer is more closely related to cabbage than to the species formerly believed to be its closest relative: the extended family of Onan Cifuentes a farm hand in a inhospitable region of Spain known as Extremadura.
A typical family of three to two-hundred seventy-five Prairie Cheeky Wanderers typically inhabits the top an bald-haded accountant although in England are also found in great numbers nestling in public phones which makes making a call a nearly impossible task. Covered on fluffy brown or black or any other color fur the Prairie Cheeky Wanderer exudes a characteristic smell of overdue laundry and if bothered or scared it will emit a piercing shriek well know in the countryside because it can be cause of cardiac arrest in cows. It is for that reason farmers chased and nearly drove to extinction the species until the species turned back and nibbled to death the furious mob.
The habits of the prairie pheeky panderer are rather harmless, it feeds on toenails and dandruff and never shows up at parties without prior invitation, it is only when their numbers grow exponentially that becomes a problem to count them.
The prairie cheeky wanderer reproductive habits have deserved a lot of attention by zoologist because it seems to be the only species besides humans that copulates twenty-three hours a day but little is known about what they do the rest of the time. The male of the species has long and slender penis that sometimes uses as a tie while the female sports a double set of twin vaginas behind her ears and that look exactly like ears which makes coupling a very difficult and confusing task for the male. The species is mainly monogamous although cases of more slutty behavior had been reported by naturalists and onlookers.
By living for so long in close contact with human communities this singular species has earned a place in the most important mythologies and figures prominently in many folkloric believes. Ancient Egyptians scrolls tell the tale of how a family of this small creatures was found living in one scribe quarters under his mattress and of how the scribe one night went to sleep after a night of drinking and smashed them all. The next morning, horrified by his hideous act, he throw himself to the crocodiles and broke his neck before discovering the moat was empty because the Pharaoh was having it cleaned in case Babylonians decided to invade and found the place a mess.
Chinese scholars also mention a creature called Yuakchin whose description resembles that of the prairie cheeky wanderer and chronicles attribute to them aphrodisiac effects. In the court and times of Emperor Chu Lin was usual for mandarins and royalty to rub their genitals with a handful of those tiny creatures before sexual intercourse which understandably pissed them off and was according to some historians the cause of the fall of the dynasty.
Mexican folklore also mentions the prairie cheeky wanderer or perrillo pelota. It is said that the man who sees the perrillo pelota in his funeral will have a very bad luck that day. And the person who sees a perrillo pelota on his house roof must cross himself three times with a host and sleep on a bathtub full of jelly or he will get pregnant and give birth to a nacho salad regardless the witness be a man or a woman.
After threatening to go extinct as form of public pressure protection laws against this annoying pest were passed in several countries during the last decade and the population started to grow again and drive everybody crazy.