The Proud Shepherds of Takistan
In the vast wasteland of the Takistani highlands lives the ethnic group that comprises the majority of the population of this Middle East republic and the reason why Takistan is refereed as the proudest shepherd nation in the World. The Tosik are the oldest of the groups inhabiting this inhospitable region, although recent excavations reveal that they originated not there but rather arrived as nomadic shepherds that settled there with their cattle around 2800 BC coming nobody knows from where.
The Tosik society is very traditional and enjoys the dubious honor of ranking top as the most sexually repressed people in the World. Leonora F. Figgman a doctor on anthropology and sexology from Houston University conducted a research on the field for 17 years trying to unveil some of the secret rules of conduct and obscure sexual taboos that govern Tosik society. Buried to her neck in sand for seventeen years hiding her head under an empty turtle shell she observed the daily life of a small community of Tosik shepherds unnoticed and unmolested but for the droppings of passing by goats.
Tosik women are forced by law to wear the traditional zalen, a conic sort of tunic of black or dark cloth that covers them completely but for a vertical almond-shaped orifice located at cheek level to the right of the nose if she is a married woman and to the left if she is a virgin. Designed to difficult the most simple task this singular garment reveals the importance of modesty in dressing for Tosik society. The hems of the long tunic that reaches to the ground is festooned with iron or lead rings because according to tradition wind whirlpools common in the region are lascivious desert devils (Maijins) that raise the women’s dresses and nestle between their legs waiting for intercourse to take place and bite off the husband’s genitals. Folklore and witnesses swear that such events are more commonplace that one could expect, and women are known to have been murdered by disgruntled husbands because insufficient care. In some cases women will replace the heavy metal rings for plastic curtain links to facilitate their household tasks but by doing so many men feel they are jeopardizing the safety of their descend.
Although Tosik religion doesn’t allows divorce it is common among their women to practice a form of separation called TikTik. Because their garments make them virtually identical one to another the disgruntled wife will go to a market place and mix in the crowd. After spotting a suitable candidate; a man with his own group of wives that seems better than her current husband, she would evade the vigilance of her husband telling she is going to do TikTik for a second, not to be seen again ever more. To this day not a single male in the Tosik population can tell what TikTik means in spite of the many references to it that populate the folk stories and tales, and the fact that many Tosik scholars, all of them men, have devoted lifetimes to study the evasive subject.
The runaway wife will sneak away safely camouflaged among the group of the other man’s identical wives. Once at her new home the man is forced by tradition to accept the new wife, that same night they will have sexual intercourse trough a round hole carved on a wooden plank. Next morning, if he is satisfied he will nail a lamb chop on his house door until it is eaten by flies or stolen by some hungry passerby. If he is not, the unfortunate bride will have to walk for weeks holding a big fish between her legs until it falls down or the cat devours it. That explains why so many Tosik women walk funny, with their thighs clamped together as if they had an urgent need to urinate.